In today's whirlwind of a world, conforming to societal expectations can feel like the path of least resistance. But have you ever stopped to ask what truly defines you? If you're feeling lost and unsure of your goals, values, and aspirations, you're not alone. This post offers a practical, step-by-step process that I've personally found helpful in getting a clear picture of who I want to be, and where I should go (and not go) to get there.
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<aside> <img src="/icons/info-alternate_blue.svg" alt="/icons/info-alternate_blue.svg" width="40px" /> This is the first article in a two-part series where we focus on establishing your inner compass. In the second article, I elaborate how this foundation can help you acquire a stronger sense of self and provide guidance and direction for leading a more fulfilling life. You can find that article here.
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Each time we say âyesâ to one thing, it inherently means saying ânoâ to nine others. Faced with an overwhelming array of options, doubt creeps in, causing us to question our decisions before weâve even had the chance to act on them. This cycle can be incredibly frustrating, leaving us feeling stuck in a state of indecision and inaction.
Iâm sure many of us have tried to âfind our compassâ by cherry-picking the values that most speak to us from an inexhaustible list, or trying to grip the steering wheel by ranking everything we want to do in order of priority.
While amiable in their intention, these exercises never seem to really âstick,â and outcomes are likely forgotten with the first guitar-playing-DIY-video that appears on our screen.
Reason being (I think) that these exercises donât consider us as we are: intricate, complex and deeply integrated. Our values or goals do not exist in isolation, whereas these exercises make it seem as if they do.
In this post, I want to share a personal exercise I undertook a few months ago. Given that I continue to benefit from its outcomes, I can assert that, at least for me, it has proven to be the most impactful exercise to date!
Before we delve into the specifics of this detailed method, itâs important to note that it demands a significant amount of time and focus. This exercise leans more towards self-discovery than mere self-evaluation. It centres around posing deep, introspective questions to yourself, of which the quality (and usefulness) of the answers is directly proportional to the time spent formulating them.
To give you an idea, completing this exercise to a level I found satisfying took me about a day. Keep in mind, that duration included the time I spent refining the method as I went along. I recommend setting aside at least half a day to go through it properly. If you donât have the time right now, I encourage you to bookmark this page and return to it when youâre ready.
Lastly; the method appeals to my own way of working, which is highly organised and systematic. I am well-aware that this does not speak to everybody, so feel free to tailor it to your own wants and needs. Below, I have attached a brief summary of the method such that you can quickly get an idea of whether this exercise is worth exploring for you!
<aside> The exercise begins by asking you to pinpoint your key values, aspirations, goals, habits, and principles. By connecting these aspects, you create a detailed picture of how your actions (whatâhabits, goals, and principles) shape who you are (whoâaspirations) and what motivates you (whyâvalues). Establishing this overview allows you to assess to what extent each component is (not) aligned with the whole, and what needs to be added (removed) to deal with internal blind-spots (false beliefs).
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To start, you'll need at least 5 large sheets of paper and something to write with. Having a bunch of sticky notes can also help, as they let you rearrange things later on. If you prefer doing this digitally, I suggest using a whiteboard-style app like MiroBoard.
On top of each sheet, write one of the following words so you have a separate paper for each: